Given the contentiousness of your pending divorce, it may feel like you’re bound to face a knockdown, drag out fight that’ll last a long time and bring all sorts of stress. But the truth is that most divorce cases wind up resolving through settlement negotiations. Even those cases that are riddled with conflict can avoid trial so long as the parties are able and willing to work toward mutually acceptable resolution. One effective way to do that is to enter the mediation process, whereby a neutral third-party assists in facilitating conversation and issue framing so that settlement can hopefully be reached.
But successful mediation requires thorough preparation. If you sit down at the table without a solid gameplan in mind, then your spouse might take you to the cleaners without even realizing it. That’s why in this post we want to look at some common divorce mediation mistakes that you’ll definitely want to avoid as you navigate the process.
There are a number of missteps that can be made when navigating divorce mediation. Any one of them could be problematic to engaging in effective conversations and securing favorable resolution, which is why it’s crucial that you’re aware of them. Here are some of those mistakes:
- Being unprepared: You have to sit down at the mediation table prepared to discuss the key legal issues before you. This means you should have financial records in hand and understand the nature and extent of both the marital estate and any existing marital debts.
- Not knowing your goals: As you head into the mediation process, it’s crucial that you have pre-defined goals. If you don’t, then you’ll aimlessly meander through negotiations without any meaningful dialogue that’s beneficial. As a result, your short and long-term needs may go unmet. So, be sure to think through what it is that you really want and need out of your divorce before sitting down for negotiations.
- Letting your emotions get in the way: We know that with divorce oftentimes comes deep emotional harm. But you can’t let your anger and frustration with your spouse get in the way of conversations about resolution. That isn’t to say that some of the events that you’re thinking of are irrelevant. On the contrary, they can be completely relevant to the issues before you. However, you have to frame them in a way that’s conducive to discussions about the legal questions at hand rather than merely lobbing personal attacks. The latter approach will likely just create conflict, stall negotiations and lead to more prolonged litigation.
- Thinking that you have to “win”: Sure, you want to secure a resolution that sets you up for a successful post-divorce life. But that doesn’t mean that you have to win every little battle. In fact, trying to do so could stymie negotiations. So, it’s oftentimes better to think through whether you can allow your spouse to “win” on issues that aren’t all that important to you. This could generate goodwill that gets more concessions from your spouse on matters that truly are important to you.
There are a lot of different ways to approach divorce settlement. You have to find the path that best protects your interests while allowing you to zealously advocate for what you want and need out of the process.